++breakdown ::

In between. & the beginning.

2005-05-05T01:05:00.000-06:00

The in between I thought I once lived
A glare of fate that washed away
Everyday lived something different
The image of what I used to see
yet the pattern in my mind
Never seems to end
Rarely stops
And yet I lie there
Buried in my misery

--

In my dream or faded reality
Drowned in this light
And unable to see
With the pain in my eyes
These words burn my night
Yet I try to believe
Yet I try to breakdown and cry
In the middle of the night I stand
In the end, I'm dead
From the beginning, there is no end

my guardian angel

2005-04-29T21:09:00.000-06:00

finding it hard to breathe
the touch of your skin
washes over my pain
like floating on memories
living on what i can
just looking in your eyes
sends me back in time
its as if time stopped
and there an angel stood
watching over me
while i fall in love
all over again; with you

the whisper of blue

2005-04-13T00:57:00.000-06:00

dreary crawls into my window at night
like an unwinding problem
like an unplanned fight
reaching into my dream has my eyes close
releasing a hint of green envy
releasing a smile needed most
yet i awake in the mist of morning
letting go of the truth
letting of the happiness
i wake not caring whether i'm alive
because . .
in my dream i don't wake up
in my dream i don't feel a thing
in my dream its a whisper of reality
in my dream its a whisper of what used to be
its a whisper of me . .

Note: I write this during my break from studying . . I'll leave you with this "Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it, a jealous, possessive love that grabs at what it can." from -- Life of Pi by Yann Martel.

never thought it was going to be you

2005-03-31T03:03:00.000-06:00

Morning starts out
And I don't know how you feel
But I've never seen time crawl on by
I see you everyday with that smile
Its as if there's something there

Cause I never thought it was going to be you
Your smile, your eyes
Cause I never thought it was going to be you
And I don't know how,
I cant stop myself from loving you

All of my doubts play in my mind
Jus tare fading away
The more I get to know you,
It was like a barrier, that broke for you and me

Cause I never thought it was going to be you
The words you speak to me
Cause I never thought it was going to be you
And I don't know how,
I cant stop myself from loving you

The simple words I hear
And I cant figure it out
Is it the way you look at me
Is it the way you make me feel

Cause I never thought it was going to be you
The intensity behind your eyes
Cause I never thought it was going to be you
And I don't know how,
I cant stop myself from loving you

your presence kills me

2005-03-25T22:39:00.000-06:00

crowded in a room of a whisper
waking up to see
footsteps rewind back to that day
those words revive as i see your face
emotions fade as you disappear
your presence still kills me
why do you have to stay
burning a tear of your embrace
lies follow me like a hidden chase
sinking and not a word you can say
your friendship i once could believe
thought of trust i now fear
walking back as i trace
memories broken like glass
feels like im repeating the past
when i thought it was over
its like torture in here
i still remember your heartbeat
pretending to feel okay
a shadow of a girl will pray
forgetting you
nothing feels too true
because your presence still kills me

Note: You think something is over but it comes back and haunts you like a ghost of your past, as if you have done something wrong when really its just a memory that was never meant to be. This is dedicated to you. And you know who you are.

unexplainable feeling.

2005-03-19T22:18:00.000-06:00

Chorus
Your smile brightens my day
The way you make me feel
Cannot be described
When you say hi, my heart skips a beat
When you wave, I float on air
Stranger, its nice to meet you
Friend, you have a nice smile
Good friend, I miss you so much
And did I tell you I love you?

Everyday I see you I fall for you again, I smile and walk on
But I look back lingering
For something more
I know you're shy
I know you are afraid to get hurt

Chorus x2

Your smile brightens /my day
The way you make me feel
Cannot be described
You may see me as a friend, but I love you more

no faith

2005-03-14T21:58:00.000-06:00

Drowning in the fear
The kind that you endear
No words of any kind..
that can change who i am
Yes i know
I know, I'm right (I'm right)
That you are grasping onto someone else

Chorus
Who cares,
Whats going through your mind
Give in,
On trying to understand your world
Time wasted,
Its a loss cause that is fading its relevance
No faith,
I'm trying to reach out //to you

Crawling on the edge..
You cant blame me now
I am starting to fall
Catch me
Burn those memories, right now (right now)
No more faith
Coz now you are grasping onto someone else

CHORUS

No faith is my life
I cant fight, your lies
I cant drown, in your misery
I guess, I cannot save you from yourself
I thought I could
Do the impossible (the impossible)
I guess not (I guess not)

Drown in your own
I don't want to be a part of this
There's no eternal bluss
You're like a curse
Never stopping

CHORUS x2

Author's Note: This was inspired by a Dashboard Confessional song :)

you.

2005-03-09T19:04:00.000-06:00

You
I feel the light from the sun,
It ain't bright as it used to be
I don't know what this means,
But words are never what they seem
Baby the darkness from the rain,

Seems more comforting in pain
I'm standing in the middle of time,
Seeking for a boy with some rhyme
That I could call mine

Chorus
Show me the sunshine baby
Coz I ain't gonna wait all night
Show me and treat me like a lady
But I don't expect to always be right
Boy, will you love me..
Boy, will you be with me..

Can you help me find that boy?
Is there a boy who is alright
Is there a boy who is loves me with all their might
I'll tell you what I want...
That smile I cant get out of my mind
Those eyes that shine like no other kind

Chorus

Oooooh...
There may not be a boy like you
But I'll be honest and true
I'll settle for someone just sweet
Who makes me so weak..
Ohhh... yeah
I gotta be true..
I don't know what I'm running toward
But I know that there's so more..

faith

2005-02-25T22:28:00.000-06:00

Even when I am alone
I think back to the endless nights on the phone
When time paused and we reminised
All the love and simple bliss
You brought into my life
Also with conflicting strifes
Never would I have thought to fall for you
But I guess some things are just that true
No reason why
Endless nights of where I used to cry
In my memory
In a place where I want to believe
That one day my heart will see
Me for you and you for me
But never thought I would be this jaded
Fate like this is defined to be overrated
If only I could erase
But its embedded into my mind in this case
Love like this is a race
It cannot be lost; it cannot be replaced
It can only be remembered
And with this, all is left is faith.

cuts of frustration

2005-02-22T22:22:00.000-06:00

I know a lot my writings, are related to love in some way but these lyrics in particular is about abusive love. When one loves another, and when it gets bad the girl does not realize it and continues to be battered by this. The point I am trying to make is, people say love is worth it in the end or that whatever happens in between will make the relationship stronger. But when it comes to abuse, it is completely different.

When your name comes to mind
Its the way you smile
That takes me back
To the way it used to be..
To the time when love was all I could see..

Chorus:
I believed you
And you believed me
I was in pain
I went insane
From your words of admiration
Brought me cuts of frustration
Wish I knew they were lies
So I wouldn't hurt inside
If I could rewind
Turn back time
You know what, nevermind

I had a vision in my mind
It turned bad, it was not too kind
I know I'd be lying if I didn't tell you straight
That what I felt for you, was fate
You were no perfect soulmate
And yet..

CHORUS.

Nevermind..
I've got nothing left to say
All the memories in my mind play
Over and over
No more.

shattered lies

2005-02-19T00:03:00.000-06:00

--I had this thought that was placed in my mind and I felt as if I needed to express it in some way so here's a song I wrote, its kind of in the works but its really expresses what I'm feeling.. To me its about loving or caring about someone who you thought cared about you in the same way but really in the end it was all a LIE. (Comments and/or suggestions" are appreciated)

Lost in your words I call lies
I thought you understood
But I guess I was wrong
All this time
This was all in my mind

CHORUS::
Tell me
What a fool I've been
Oh Tell me
The honesty and truth
Won't you tell me
I was shattered by all your lies
Tell me
Because I just don't care anymore

Hey boy, I thought you were the one
That I loved so much
I told you so and you said it too
What a lie I've been living
To think you loved me too
And now, all I feel is you
We're shattered..

Your words; filled with pity
Your face; filled with remorse
Your tears; drowning in lies
I don't know what else to say
But..

CHORUS::

I don't care..
No I don't..
Not anymore..
No I don't..
Not about you

take a step back.

2005-02-18T17:32:00.000-06:00

Fallen;

Fallen into the emptiness of a dream
Faded memories are not what I recall
I take a step back and fall
Into the lines that are slowly being torn apart
Into the pain that is seeping into my heart
Can I call this a web of what used to be
Can I remember what is right in front of me
I doubt it
Because I cannot lie to myself
Because I do not remember anymore.

--
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and wisdom always to tell the difference." Slaughter-House-Five by: Kurt Vonnegut

mixed up emotions.

2005-02-17T21:10:00.000-06:00

Walk away;

Days flow right on by
Memories and emotions seem to cry
A mist of disappointment
Cannot bear a commitment
A light of what I never knew
I wish for a star, I wish for you
Close my eyes, burned with pain
In the end its all the same
Drowning, and yet I have nothing to say
But simply, walk away
--
Love;

Clicking away my life, staring at space
There was something about you, that made my heart race
The way you made me feel
And the times you had to deal
With me and all my drama
Your patience was my stamina
And yet I never thought of you as more than a friend
It changed one day and now I want you to stay
For the smiles you bring to my face
Is something I could never replace
The little things you say to me
Makes me realize, makes me see
Something I never believed in before
But now I ask for nothing more.